Ramblings

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~~Title:Conversation Difficulty~~
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<fs xx-large>Conversation difficulty</fs> describes the difficulty of maintaining a [[conversation]] with a person. Disinterested, distracted, anxious or socially inexperienced people - among others - exhibit behaviors that make it very difficult to maintain a conversation, although even between two good, interested friends there may appear "droughts" from time to time where conversation just doesn't seem to want to flow. Behaviors contributing to conversation difficulty include, but are not limited to:

  * Responding extremely briefly, to a point that it hurts the flow of the conversation.
  * Giving "dead" responses, ie. saying things that do not give the other person a lot of things to pick up on and continue the conversation. Ideally, in a conversation, with everything we say we //add// something to the conversation that your partner can use to keep going. Saying things that //respond// but never //add// anything kills conversations.
  * Painful response times (ie. in online chats) that approach or enter the boundaries of "stalling", but never //so// long as to indicate that the conversation is actually over, so the person trying to talk can move on and do something else.
  * Going out of your way to say as little as possible. Not giving feedback to the other person on what their part in the conversation made you think, how it influenced them - instead choosing to be silent.
  * Not picking up on content //added// by the other person, only going on and on about what //you// said.
  * Not asking questions. Not that you have to ask questions all the time, but they're useful nevertheless.
  * Talking about things the other person doesn't really know a lot about or just can't add very much to. This is probably more often than not unintentional, but still increases conversation difficulty.
  * Vagueness, uncertainty, crypticness
Some other things based on personal experience with certain people:
  * Excessive and unwarranted apologeticness ([[over-apologization]]), or alternatively lacking assertiveness
  * Lying, faking a personality, pretending to be things you are not

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Dealing with conversation difficulty is exhausting, attempting to maintain a conversation with a person who sends all the signals that they don't want to be there. Excessive conversation difficulty and the inherent drought can lead some people into what is known as //Conversation Saving Mode//, a state of desperation where one just says whatever they can come up in a last ditch effort to encourage a reaction //somehow//.
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This poor specimen tried so hard to keep this conversation alive.((Unfortunately I can only show this small snippet, but rest assured that their long, detailed messages absolutely towered over my quick responses.))
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Conversation difficulty is naturally higher for some people //in particular// based merely on their [[personality]], but many other things can contribute to it. Being unfamiliar with the other person, busy, distracted and other situational circumstances can all lead to problems. Combatting it is best done by calling it out - which is in part what this page exists for((ie. I think it is easier to call out conversation difficulty by linking to a page like this rather than explaining "hey, you're really difficult to talk to". In fact, I have someone who I am talking to //right now// who is of high conversation difficulty, and they are part of the reason I am writing this right now.)) - and deciding on a course of action. Perhaps take a break. Maybe calling it out inherently spawns its own conversation. Anything goes!

====== If you have been sent this page in a conversation... ======
...do not feel attacked. The person who sent you this is really interested in talking to you, but has a really hard time on figuring out how to do it and is seeking your help. Please, if you are interested, communicate your intent and your interests clearly. The person who sent you this does not want to imply or does not think that you do not want to talk, but //if// deep down you really think that you would rather not, be honest about it. There is nothing wrong with not wanting to talk, but entertaining such a conversation is wasting not only their, but also your time and effort when both of you could be doing something else instead. Perhaps even together. :)