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--- friend [2026/04/28 08:12] – ultracomfy
+++ friend [2026/04/28 08:42] (current) – ultracomfy
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 ~~Title:Friend~~
-<fs xx-large>Friend</fs> is the word used to describe a person with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically one exclusive of sexual or family relations.
+<WRAP centeralign>Systems/Social/\\
+<fs xx-large>Friend</fs></WRAP>
+Friend is the word used to describe a person with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically one exclusive of sexual or family relations.
+For me, friendship is not a real system, neither formal nor informal. In my view, the term "friendship" is a restrictive or reductive view of two or more individuals' expression of affection and the properties of their bond. Friendship is as different for everyone and between everyone as they have reasons for that friendship in the first place. People don't come together and formally declare each other a friend, they get to know each other and, as time progresses, begin to like each other and spend more time together. For many, the term "friend" seems to be used purely descriptively for the amount of time they voluntarily spend with another person or, if not that, how much they enjoy the time they spend with that person voluntarily.
+Now since I live in a society, I kind of have to use the words society has come up with to tell individuals of that society things I want them to know. So, I have to use the word friend, but for me I have relatively strict boundaries with who I do and do not call a friend. This owes itself of course to previous experiences with people I would have considered a "friend". The result is that it is fairly difficult for me to admit that someone is a friend, a process that unapologetically takes multiple years, during which you will find very harshly enforced boundaries around the term. In fact, I will go as far as to clarify to a person with whomst I've been talking nearly daily for over a year that, no, we are not friends, and that it takes a long time until I'm confident calling anyone my friend.
+This is not intended to push someone away, but a defensive measure to avoid things going too fast, which typically ends up with me overattaching, which inevitably leads to the whole structure collapsing at some point. Do not feel offended if I reject what may feel to you like a friendship. The feeling of affection and appreciation is as real as you feel it, I just don't like to put that word on it until I'm 99.5% sure what I'm dealing with. Though then again, it takes a lot for me to begin feeling affection/appreciation, so give me time. Regardless of whether I call us a friend, if I am spending time with you it means that I find it acceptable to be finding myself spending time with you. This alone is already more valuable than what you'll be used to when you think of a "friendship". Friendship //is// about spending time together.
 ====== "Would you be friend with someone who holds belief so completely opposite to what you believe in?" ======