Ramblings

Salad (otherwise known as vegetables) is a snarl word for anything resembling something healthy to eat. Salad is a scourge on humans and especially their minds, as it infiltrates their brains and tells them that it is “good” for them and that it is “important” to eat a lot of it, even to a point where they will suggest it to other people and encourage a “healthier” diet.

The truth is that salad is fucking disgusting and ruins whatever other food is being served along with it. A tasty Schnitzel could have been amazing, yet those green, leafy nutrition whores can't stop themselves from injecting their salad into it, either by serving a salad ahead of the main course or adding the salad onto the plate with the Schnitzel. Some even go as far as serving salad as part of the main dish, for example in Wraps or any dish containing cauliflower (CAULIFLOWER!!), or - the worst of them all - salad AS the main dish: Noodle salad, potato salad¹⁾, whatever kind of abomination these guys can come up with.

Something similar applies to impostors like most seafood that tries to hide itself as something actually tasty but then turns out to be a TRAP. Fruit does this as well, although the taste of many fruits isn't quite as unforgivable as almost all vegetables (bar some exceptions²⁾).

Unfortunately I am no longer in a position where I can neglect salad entirely, I had to pivot. After about 22 years of trying my damndest to get out of salad's way I am now trying to actually get used to it. Luckily I even found a strategy to overcome it: Mixing salad with actually tasty stuff. This is basically the exact opposite of what I used to do - usually I would try to extract the salad from the tasty stuff and eat that, ahead of time, on its own, so that I can later go on to fully enjoy the tasty stuff. However, it turns out that salad being served along with tasty stuff actually served a purpose and that it's better to just combine it. Some if not most of the tasty stuff is ruined then, but it's still a net positive over engaging the salad with no support at all. It's still a no-win situation, but at least an improvement.